EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS!

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So I woke up this morning and was going about my usual routine when after brushing my teeth I went to exit my bathroom I looked up and to my utter dismay I found a big ass (thankfully not juicy) spider chilling on my bathroom ceiling. After a brief moment of what I can describe as spider terror (and you know what I’m talking about) my brain weighed the threat and after realizing I wasn’t in any imminent danger sent a message to my nervous system. My new roommate was nonlethal and seemed very unbothered by my presence so rather than whipping out the usual tools of destruction i.e. my house slipper or a crumpled napkin or tissue, I figured I just let him be man and deal with it later. And I wil admit I’m somewhat of a bug sympathizer (at times) so, depending on the type of bug as well my mood in the moment I don’t immediately kill insects on the spot. Why? Because, why not? And yes I know a spider is considered an arachnid but I’m not trying to get a pulitzer prize with this post, although it would be cool. Also, before I continue this story I should add there’s a small battle-damaged spider with six legs presumably roaming around somewhere in my room.

You see almost 8 weeks ago I saw the guy crawling on my wall so I sprang into action, loaded my house slipper and started calculating my angle of attack, but before delivering the finishing blow I got a good look at homeboy and let me tell you he just looked absolutely pitiful.

I saw the 6 legs and watched how he was trying so hard to survive so I figured I’d let him go. I keep my spaces pretty tidy so regardless of where he set up camp, given his injuries I figured he probably wouldn’t last a week. Guy disappears and I’m hoping he finds a good resting place but would you believe nearly a month later I look out my window and homeboy’s chilling outside in between my screen in 40° weather, while it’s snowing. And I’m like, well it’s definitely over now because I don’t know how he hobbled outside but he’s definitely not getting back in here. But, would you believe that 3 days ago motherf*cker was in my closet on the ceiling, I feel almost as if to taunt me and say “I’m still living.” And yet, I can’t help but feel sincere respect for this “creature” that seems to have some kind of invincibility cheat code keeping it alive. Just astounding. So as it stands as long as it doesn’t touch me or come close to my bed, were cool. Them the rules. But back to the newer roommate.

The day passes. it’s night and nearly 10 hrs have gone by and I check the bathroom and, wouldn’t ya know, the dudes still in there, but now I spy he’s starting get comfortable and also he’s “making” his bed and furniture on the walls , so, before I find myself walking into a web and going through all that torture I decided

“It’s time for him to get the f*ck out” 😃.

(Adios)

I find some stuff as you can see in the pics and I take him outside my apartment and release him into the grass where he can hopefully reunite with his fellow arachnid friends and other natural predators back into a presumably better habitat and leave me alone. In conclusion, I may not cross paths with these spiderguys again (and I’m hoping I don’t) but, we made some memories and I hope they’re living their best little lives right now and not in my home.

Anyways—

Stay cool,

-Uno The Homie